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General to moderately strong content.

Waiter Jokes

Customer: Why don't you eat here, waiter? Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don't want to compound the felony.

Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.

Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it.

Diner: Could I have a glass of water? Waiter: To drink? Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.

Diner: May I please have a glass of water? Waiter: Why, are you thirsty? Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.

Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup? Waiter: Probably learning to read.

Customer: Why does your sign say "Fine Dining"? Waiter: We can dream, can't we?

Customer: Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials? Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.

Customer: Why doesn't your menu list prices? Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.

Customer: Waiter, this food is repeating on me. Waiter: Good, we love repeat business.

Customer: Waiter, there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.

Customer: I didn't order this. Waiter: I know, but your meal tastes worse.

Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn't cook either.

Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough. Waiter: That wasn't the crust, that was the pie plate.

Customer: There's something wrong with my hot dogs. Waiter: Sorry, I'm a waiter, not a veterinarian.

Customer: This fish isn't as good as what I ordered here last month. Waiter: That's funny. It's from the same fish.

Customer: Waiter, I can't eat this meal. Waiter: Why not? It looks all right to me. Customer: I don't have a fork.

Customer: Waiter, I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.

Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers, too?

Waiter, waiter, this lobster's only got one claw. It must have been in a fight, sir. Then bring me the winner.

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