Test Yourself : Are you a Neanderthal?
1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? +5
2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? -5
3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, +3
4. How about a forehead? If not, +3
5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? +5
6. Do you ever open beer bottles with your teeth? +10
7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels than
sitting in a chair? +5
8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, +1 for
every five degrees of slope.
9. Less than five feet tall? +1 for every inch under.
10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm,+1 for every
inch of difference.
11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
12. Pigeon-toed? +5
13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club?
You're normal--no points.
14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big enough
to hold an apple? +5
15. Do you regularly eat apples in this fashion? +15
16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when you're
not? +10
17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and an
overcoat? +5
18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or
"Animal"? +3
Scoring
0-20 points: You are a virtually pure homosapien. Feel free to build
bridges, compose symphonies, and overrun the world.
20-40 points: A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will
occasionally have spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on
all fours and whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one
will notice.
40-60 points: You can still function quite well in the modern world,
but avoid eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners give
you away.
60-80 points: Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should
consider a career in pro football.
80-100 points: Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City;
there is no place for you in human society. A career in politics is
recommended.
 
|
|
Certified
Asshole