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Bird Jokes



What do you call a crate of ducks? A box of quackers!

Why did the owl, owl? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!

What's got six legs and can fly long distances? Three swallows!

Which bird is always out of breath? A puffin!

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek? Fowl play!

What is green and pecks on trees ? Woody Wood Pickle !

What birds spend all their time on their knees ? Birds of prey !

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ? A headbanger !

When is the best time to buy budgies ? When they're going cheap !

How do you get a cut-price parrot ? Plant bird seed !

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ? Because they're both full of stuffing !

What do you call a very rude bird ? A mockingbird !

Where do birds meet for coffee ? In a nest-cafe !

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ? With it's sparrowchute !

Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken.

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To get to the chick across the street!

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.

What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken? A pecking order.

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