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Accountant Jokes


How do make jokes about accountants when they have the most boring job on the planet.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninthly..."

Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.

What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.

What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular

What's the definition of unlikely? A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants - Nude!'.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? "What kind of answer did you have in mind?" Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.

What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

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