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Accountant Jokes

How do make jokes about accountants when they have the most boring job on the planet.
Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will

Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.

What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."

A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions. "Was he tall or was he short?" The businessman replies, "Both!"

How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.

What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting

What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything

What does FCPA stand for? Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses.

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take last year?

How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level

How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost

How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work

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