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Musician Jokes

Whats the best thing to play on a stand up bass? Solitaire.

How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb? He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

In the 22nd century, how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source? Five, one to actually do it and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer.

What does a timpanist say when he gets to work? Would you like fries with that, sir?

What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test? Drool.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They have machines to do that now.

Hey buddy, how late does the band play? Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer.

How can you tell when a drummer is at your door? The knock gets faster.

How do you know when the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer? Give him music to read.

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? Who cares? Neither one's a guitar.

Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven. What did you do on Earth? I was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk. Well, go right on in through the Pearly Gates? What did you do on Earth? I was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see. Fine... go right on in through the Pearly Gates! What did you do on Earth? I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy. You can load in through the kitchen.

What's the range of a tuba? About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.

Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune? Neither did I.

How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch? Pay for the pizza.

How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune? Evidently all of them.

Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.

What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless.

How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one.

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