MICROSOFT SHOULD MAKE CARS, GM SHOULD MAKE
SOFTWARE
At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates
reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that
got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's
comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the
following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we
would be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would
crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the
road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the
freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive
on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as
a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart;
in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the
car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to
buy
more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered
by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy
to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator
warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault'
warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the
same butt size.
9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?'
before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever,
your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed
hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also
purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM
subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them.
Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's
performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car
buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none
of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off
the engine.
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