Lawyer Jokes II

Q. What's the definition of a lawyer?
A. A mouth with a life support system.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.

Q. Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q. What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A. The caterer.

Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A. Other lawyers look interested.

Q. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
A. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q. If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
A. Who cares?

Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.