Here are some definitions of investment
terms typically used...
STOCK - A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until
the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND - What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her
golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.
BROKER - The person you trust to help you make major
financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word
spell Broke.
BEAR - What your trade account and wallet will be when you
take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.
BULL - What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds
tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN - Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're
supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.
SHORT POSITION - A type of trade where, in theory, a person
sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever
works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up
being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Ha ha ha, well, I'm a little short
this month.").
COMMISSION - The only reliable way to make money on the stock
market, which is why your broker charges you one.
YAK - What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks
have plunged and your broker is making a margin call
 
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