Dirty Jokes XXX
This little boy goes up to his dad and he says "Dad?, What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?" To which the father replies "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then you ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars." So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and the mother replies "Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good looking!" So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies "He is so fucking fine, of course I would!" Then last but no least he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says "Of course I would, who wouldn't for a million bucks?" So he goes up to his dad and says "I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically" "Well what's the difference?" says the father. "Well, potentially we're sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 sluts and a fag!"
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the
block?" a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat,"
replied the mother. "What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed
and not wanting to get into a
biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said, "Oh,
just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."
Researcher: Excuse me madam, I'm conducting a
A young , attractive woman thought she might have
some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she
walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
A Little Rabbit is running happily through the
woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the
Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your
health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe
looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders,
tosses the joint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with
the Little Rabbit.
Rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?" He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?" The Rich man says, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back happy." The Poor man says, "O.K. That works." The Rich man says, "Well what did you get your wife?" The Poor man says, "A pair of slippers and a dildo." The Rich man says, "Why'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?" The Poor man says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!"
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer
hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and
found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the
kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to
tell you: I'm gay."
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her fucking husband!"
The pretty co-ed nervously asked the doctor to
perform an unusual operation: the removal of a large chunk of green wax
from her navel. Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked,
"How did this happen?"
One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
"Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea," a patient
told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our
A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles. A drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then tells her, "I love a woman that does aerobics." The woman replies angrily, "I don't DO aerobics!" The drunk man then looks at the woman and says, "Then how did you get your leg up so high?"
A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I
buy you a drink?". Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies,
"Okay, but it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I
buy you another drink?"
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly. "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet," counselled the therapist. So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon. When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."