Dirty Jokes XVI
Miss Annabell had just returned from her big
trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch
of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells
them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You
just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City,"
says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on
A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?" The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess I'd rather be the husband." The big guy says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."
Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."
A little boy is sitting in the barber's chair and becoming anxious, so the barber gives him a tootsie roll to keep him quiet. As the barber trims his bangs, loose hair falls over his face. "Do you have hair on your goodie?" asks the barber. "Don't be silly, you old pervert! I'm only eight years old!"
A retired gentlemen went into the social
security office to apply for Social Security.
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter...
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. "Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
"Irving, remember that new
car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance
Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new
neighbor, it sure is a nice day to be moving"
Later that same day...
Neighbor 1: "Hey, I was
talking to that new guy who moved in next door"
A little old lady goes into the
store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large
selection of toilet paper. "Pardon me, sir," she says to
the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all
these toilet papers?" "Well," he replies pointing out
one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bottom. It's $1.50 per
The officer shouted orders to a
nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto
the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a
dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove
back to safety. "Private," the officer said, "I'm
recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the
locations of our secret warehouses."
Three women were sitting around
throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen
said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill
like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my
husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. "Mary... Mary..." Awestruck, Mary responds, "Is that you Fred?" "Yes, I have come back like we agreed." "Well, what is it like?" Fred excitedly tells his tale, "Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have lunch, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day." So happy Mary says, "Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven." Fred replies, "Hell no, Mary, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."
Bill rents an apartment in Chicago, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl, so she strikes up a conversation with him.
As they talk, her robe slips
open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe.
Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, he places her hand on his arm and says,
"Let's go to my apartment. I hear someone coming..."
Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse
took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get
himself a hooker.
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of
her young students so she took him aside after class one day.
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor
lately?" "I'm in love," replied Little Johnny.
Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With
whom?" "With you!" he said. "But Little
Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly
that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't
want a child."
Seven wise men, creative and
fine, created a pussy to their own design.
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid" , said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"
In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?", "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."