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Dirty Jokes

What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night.

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him that the men with really big dicks were really really dumb, and that the woman with really big tits were really really dumb. When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, "Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, really dumb blond, and the longer they talked the dumber he got."

One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor's little girl entered his house, woke him up and said, "What is that between your legs?" He replied that is "my bird." He went back to sleep. She came back later and said, "What's that furry stuff around your bird?" He replied that's "my nest." So he went back to sleep. She came back later. "What's those two things under it?" He said those are "the eggs." She said, "Okay, can I play with your bird,and he said "ok." When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked, "what happened?" She said, "When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!"

A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf- mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

What did Adam say to Eve? Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!

Why do men masturbate? It's sex with someone they love.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

How do you know you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Are birth control pills deductible? Only if they don't work.

Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts? They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? "I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!"

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus!

What does KFC and a woman have in common? Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a greasy box to put your bone in.

What did the egg say to the boiling water? "It might take me a while to get hard I just got layed last night."

What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backwards? He keeps coming and coming and coming...

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't cover his Whopper.

What's organic dental floss? Pubic hair!

What's long, hard, and has semen in it? A submarine!

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