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Crude Sex Jokes X

Crude Sex Jokes X

Q. What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
A. Sticks it in Olive Oyl.

Q. How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
A. When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.

Q. What's a diaphragm?
A. A trampoline for dickheads.

Q. What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
A. The Hanger.

Q. What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
A. Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.

Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as substitute meat.

Q. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A. A tearjerker.

Q. What's the difference between medium and rare?
A. 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Q. How is a woman like a road?
A. Both have manholes.

Q. What's the the definition of a vagina?
A. The box a penis comes in.

Q. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A. A scrotum pole!

Q. Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
A. Well, you got to hand it to her.

Q. Do you know what an 'Angry Pirate' is?
A. When you're having sex with a girl doggy style, stop, she turns around, then you come in her eye and stomp on her foot.

Q. Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A. Because the captain was sitting on the deck.

Q. Why shouldn't you disrespect Nicki Minaj?
A. She'll make another song about it. No one wants that.

Q. Why do bald men have holes in there pockets?
A. So they can run their fingers through their hair.

Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A. We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They are practicing to be men.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A. It helps them remember which end to wipe...

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

Q. Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A. Because his wife died!

Q. What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A. One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Q. How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A. By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q. How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
A. He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

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