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Birthday Jokes



Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Betty: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It's a great present but I just can't find the words to thank you enough.

A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

BoyFriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday? GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, "Hello." "Are you the game warden?" she asked. "Yes." "Finally Ah've got the right person!" she said. "Could yaw'l gimme some help with my son's birthday party?"

"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade."

I forgot my brother's birthday last month. What did he say? Rick: Nothing, yet.

Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, What's the address? 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow. Why with my elbow? Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!

I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20. 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

What's the greatest birthday present? Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.

What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday? A stole.

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'

What did you get for your birthday? Another year!

When is your birthday? 17th January. What year? Every year!

Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.' Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.

Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.

How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh, I don't think that's possible. Oh, yes it is - I'm nine today.

Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

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