The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever
Say:
- I think Barry Manilow is one cool
motherfucker.
- While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
- I think hairy butts are really sexy.
- Her tits are just too big.
- Sometimes I just want to be held.
- That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me
a woody.
- Sure I'd love to wear a condom!
- We haven't been to the mall for ages,
let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
- Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch
Murphy Brown.
- I think we are lost, we better pull
over and ask for directions
- No, I don't mind watching Thelma and
Louise again.
The Perfect Day According to ... HIM
| 10:00am |
Wake up |
| 10:02am |
Oral sex |
| 10:15am |
Big breakfast |
| 11:30am |
Drive up the coast in
Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big jugs |
| 2:15pm |
Enormous lunch |
| 3:00pm |
Oral sex |
| 3:15pm |
Play sports with the
guys |
| 4:00pm |
Drink beer with guys |
| 6:00pm |
Meet Claudia Schiffer |
| 6:10pm |
Oral sex |
| 6:25pm |
Huge dinner, more beer |
| 11:00pm |
Full on, get down,
gorilla sex |
The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would
Ever Say:
- Could our relationship be more
physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
- Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's
easier for me to douche that way.
- I think hairy butts are really sexy.
- Hey, get a whiff of that one.
- Please don't throw that old T-shirt
away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
- This diamond is way too big!
- I don't mind throwing all these useless
shoes out.
- I won't even put my lips on that thing
unless I get to swallow.
- Wow, it really is 14 inches!
- Does this make my butt look too small?
- I'm wrong, you must be right again.
The Perfect Day According to ... HER
| 8:45am |
Wake up to hugs and
kisses |
| 9:00am |
5 pounds lighter on the
scale |
| 9:30am |
Light breakfast |
| 11:00am |
Sunbathe |
| 12:00pm |
Lunch with best friend
at outdoor cafe |
| 1:30pm |
Shopping |
| 2:30pm |
Run into boyfriends ex,
notice she's gained 30 pounds |
| 3:00pm |
Facial massage and nap |
| 7:30pm |
Candle light dinner for
two and dancing |
| 10:00pm |
Make love |
| 11:00pm |
Pillow talk in his big
strong arms |
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress
her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug
her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things
for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her,
support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked, with beer....
 
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