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General to moderately strong content.

Baby Jokes

Baby jokes that will make baby haters love babies.
Do you like your new baby sister? She's all right. Do you play with her? No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days.

Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk. Whose baby was it? The elephant's!

How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag.

What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn? Where's Pop Corn?

Why is a baby like an diamond? Because it's a dear little thing.

When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L-plate?

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop.

Doctor, doctor, my baby's swallowed a watch! Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.

A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it."

Why are babies always gurgling with joy? Because it's a nappy time.

Mrs Brown: Who was that at the door? Veronica: A lady with a baby in a buggy. Mrs Brown: Tell her to push off. "

I see the baby's nose is running again," said a worried father. "For goodness sake!" snapped his wife. "Can't you think of anything other than horse racing?"

A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy. "Where is the baby?" asked his Mum. "Under the bath."

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et.

Would you rather have a baby brother or a baby sister? I'd much rather have a jelly baby.

Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller.

Mum, are the Smiths very poor people? I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin

Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.

Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one?

Cry Baby - by Liza Weeping

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