Top 10 Winners in the 'Not Playing With a
Full Deck' Contest...
1. I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told
her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right
away.
2. Seems that a year ago, some Boeing
employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of
the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and
home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were
surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned
out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is
activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed
there.
3. A true story out of San Francisco: A man,
wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window. So
he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo
Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she
could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo
teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
4. A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40
and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another picture... of
handcuffs.
5. A woman was reporting her car as stolen,
and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking
the report called the phone and told the guy that he had read the ad
in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet,
and the thief was arrested.
6. R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol
officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to
children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system
worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them
his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments
later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed
Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed
robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
7. Guy walked into a little corner store with
a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the
cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch
that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier
to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I
don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out
of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over,
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in
the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the
robber two hours later.
8. A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record
shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody
move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
9. Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer
pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through
a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
10. Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column
reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan
at 12:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him
down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
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